Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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