She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
