I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
