Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
