i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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