All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
