Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
