I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
