Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
