I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
