after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
