i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
