Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
