I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
