Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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