Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The uberlube is also flammable
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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