pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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