Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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