did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
