I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
