I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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