I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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