Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
