Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
