yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
