she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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