naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
