your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
