I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
