so explain again why im purple
no
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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