I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
