Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
time to smoke my breakfast
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
