there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
