Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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