There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
