You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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