3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
