Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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