dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They took my balls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
