i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
