I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
