I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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