I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
