...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
