There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
