perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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