u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
