i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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