I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
