This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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